I suspect that more people have mastered advanced calculus than good writing skills.
I’m not talking about writing novels or epic poems. I’m talking about every day, real world writing.
I’m talking about business letters. Personal emails. Explanatory memos. And don’t even get me started on Facebook posts and Yelp reviews!
The ability to write well will improve all aspects of a person’s life—whether professional, social, or romantic. It’s a skill that may seem hard at first, but it’s really not so hard. Writing well is like swimming well. It just takes mindfulness and practice. And once good writing skills become ingrained as “muscle memory,” they (like swimming) will feel effortless for the rest of your life.
I’ve been in a writing-intensive profession for twenty years, and have amassed a toolbox full of tips, tricks, and go-to techniques that have served me well. I share them with you, Gentle Writer, in the bullet points below.
- KISS (Keep It Short & Simple): Readers have short attention spans. They don’t want to blow too much time or energy reading (or understanding!) what’s in the document handed to them. Your document should coddle the reader’s inherent sloth by being as brief and idiot-proof as possible.
- ABC, 123: I am a huge fan of bullet-pointed lists. Hell, you’re in the middle of one right now! A bullet-pointed list is an effective way of breaking a long, dense hunk of text into non-intimidating, easy-to-swallow, easy-to-follow, bite-sized pieces. Think about it. Would you rather read David Letterman’s “Top Ten List” as a three inch tall paragraph? Or as ten numbered bullet-points? I think history has answered that question for us.
- SMALL WORDS ARE BETTER THAN LONG WORDS: This point is indubitable. It’s also true. Using small words will make any sentence more comprehensible. It will also make it more clear. Remember…big words are for dumb people that are trying to sound smart.
- TWO SHORT SENTENCES ARE BETTER THAN ONE LONG SENTENCE: Hey…nobody loves commas and semi-colons more than I do. But if that comma or semi-colon is in the middle of a sentence, replacing it with a period—thereby breaking it into two shorter sentences—will oftentimes make it easier to swallow. Which brings me to my next point…
- IF YOU NEED TO READ A SENTENCE TWICE TO UNDERSTAND IT, THEN YOU NEED TO RE-WRITE IT: And oftentimes, breaking that sentence into two smaller ones is just what the doctor ordered. Good, hard, diligent editing. It’s what separates Hemingway from that insufferable Facebook friend that you hid last week.
- TWO SHORT PARAGRAPHS ARE BETTER THAN ONE LONG PARAGRAPH: Go back and read the opening paragraphs of this post. See what I did there? Huh? Huh? See what I did?!
- DON’T TRY TO WRITE LIKE A LAWYER: Even lawyers don’t write like lawyers anymore! At least, the good ones don’t. Good lawyers opt for plain English when writing letters, memos, or even contracts. Think about it. A crystal-clear contract is unlikely to go to court. Why? Because it’s crystal clear, dammit! There’s nothing to argue about!!! Crystal-clear is where you want to be. That said, not all lawyers are good lawyers. Strictly for infotainment purposes, I’ve reproduced below a portion of a document that I recently received from a country lawyer based in an unnamed southern state. I swear to god…this ain’t no joke.
Had you in your hands, or under your control, directly or indirectly, at the time of service of these interrogatories, or at any time since, any money, rights, credits or other property whatsoever, belonging or due the said defendant in WRIT or in which it has or had any interest for the whole or for a part; and if yea, what is the nature, description and amount thereof, and is the same sufficient to pay or satisfy the full amount of said writ or if less, to what amount? – you being asked and required to make full disclosure in relation to the same.
This, my friends, is *not* a good lawyer. This is nonsense. And while I appreciate the time and energy he took to hand me a laughable example for this blog post, he could have just asked the following question and saved his client a billable hour: “Do you have any of the Defendant’s property or valuables in your possession or control? If so, please describe what they are and the value of each.” KISS, baby…KISS!
- A BRIEF EXAMPLE CAN CLARIFY ANYTHING: This is especially useful when the document you are writing includes a formula or the description of a calculation. For an example of an example, please see the example in Part IV of my recent cocktail blog post.
- TELL THE READER WHAT’S COMING AT THE BEGINNING: A well-written document should not read like an M. Night Shaymalan movie script (i.e., no surprises at the end). State your point up front, then use the rest of the document to flesh-out and/or support that point. “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…”
- PASSIVE VOICE SHOULD NOT BE USED: Oh, snap! What I meant to say was, “Don’t Use the Passive Voice.” The passive voice makes you sound bloated, meandering, and pompous. Instead, use the active voice. Active voice makes your point more clear, punchy, direct, and powerful. The difference between active voice and passive is like the difference between Bernie Sanders and Rick Perry. Here’s a (usually) effective trick to help distinguish between the two? Add the words “…by zombies” to the end of your sentence. If it makes sense, then you are probably using the passive voice (e.g., “The passive voice should not be used by zombies”). If it doesn’t, then good job! You are probably using the active voice (e.g., “Don’t use the passive voice by zombies.”).
- LEARN AND MASTER THE RULES, THEN YOU CAN BREAK THEM ALL YOU WANT: Your high school English teacher taught you never to start a sentence with a conjunction. And she was right. But I do it all the time. And it’s Ok, because I learned and mastered the rules first.
- MIND THOSE SUBJUNCTIVES AND ADVERBS: Elvis implored the world to “Love Me Tender.” And don’t get me wrong…I love Elvis as much as the next guy. But had he paid closer attention to Schoolhouse Rock (“Lolly’s, Lolly’s, Lolly’s”), he would have asked that you love him *tenderly.* And while you may claim “I wish I was in Dixie,” I (personally) wish I *were* in Dixie. Adverbs and the subjunctive tense…not so hard. Google them, get the hang of them, and your perceived IQ will jump at least ten points.
- AND FINALLY: Remember…Superman does good. You do well.
