ON THE SEVENTH COURSE OF FISHMAS…

ON THE FIRST course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Boil, cool, peel, chill shrimp.

Step 2: For Remoulade, combine the following ingredients in a bowl and stir: 3/4 c Mayo; 1t cider vinegar; 2t Dijon mustard; 2t whole grain mustard; 2t capers; 1t Louisiana hot sauce; chopped scallions; chopped cilantro; salt and pepper.

ON THE SECOND course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

[*Truth be told, we bought these from Goldbelly and had them shipped to our house. Don’t judge.]

ON THE THIRD course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Rinse clams to remove grit. Toss out any that are open or have cracked shells.

Step 2: Steam 1-2 minutes until shells open. Serve as is, with melted butter, or with hot sauce. Toss out any clams that don’t open.

ON THE FOURTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Using a very sharp paring knife, slit open the belly of headless/gutted smelt from [former] head to tail fin. Open the body so that this is flattened/butterflied. Run the knife tip down one side of the spine. Holding the knife blade on its side parallel to the opened/flattened smelt, slide it in a sawing motion under the head-side tip of the spine and continue down to the tail side. Lift spine from body and cut off at the tail fin. For 1 lbs. of smelt, this will be 30 minutes of your life that you’ll never get back. But on the bright side, there will be no Christmas Eve trips to urgent care to have a pin bone extracted from your esophagus.

Step 2: Line up three bowls. One with flour, the second with beaten eggs, and the third with panko bread crumbs. Season the flour and panko with salt, pepper, and Old Bay.

Step 3: Heat canola oil (or other fat with a high smoke point…my mother uses Crisco) in shallow fryer or pan to 425F. Dredge smelt in flour, shake, then egg, then panko, shake.

Step 4: Insert smelt into hot oil and fry until golden brown on underside. Flip and repeat. I like to use wooden chopsticks for this step–but real men use their fingers.

Step 5: When perfectly fried, remove smelt from oil, lay on cookie/cake cooling rack (or paper towel-lined plate), and sprinkle with a wee bit of kosher salt.

ON THE FIFTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Add 1/3 c. olive oil to sauce pan. Saute 1 thinly sliced onion until soft and translucent. Then add 6 anchovy filets for 30 seconds, then 3 minced garlic cloves for 30 seconds. Then, add one small can of tomato paste and fry until it darkens.

Step 2: Add 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes, 15oz can of tomato sauce, and 1 bay leaf. Stir and simmer for 30 minutes over low heat.

Step 3: Add 2 lbs cleaned squid body tubes (cut into rings) and tentacles. The more tentacles, the better. Simmer for additional 15 minutes. Stir in 1 c. chopped parsley or basil before serving. Makes enough sauce for 1 lbs. of linguini. Don’t forget the Parmesan or Romano cheese (it needs that extra dimension of flavor).

ON THE SIXTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Add 1 c. olive oil to sauce pan, plus the oil from one tin of anchovies. Saute 8 minced garlic cloves and 1 tin of anchovies (minced) over medium heat. Be careful not to burn the garlic.

Step 2: Add 1 c. water (allow the oil to cool a bit before doing so, so that it doesn’t explode in your face) and simmer for 10 minutes. Season with salt (if needed) and black pepper. Add 1 c. chopped parsley before serving. Makes enough sauce for 1 lbs. of linguini. Don’t forget the Parmesan or Romano cheese.

ON THE SEVENTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Brush both sides of scallops with melted butter. Season with salt, pepper, and paprika.

Step 2: On hot charcoal or gas grill, sear scallops one minute per side (max). Don’t overcook, unless you like the texture of a pencil eraser.

ON THE EIGHTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: #RealTalk! This is where we separate the men from the boys. Bring large pot of salted water to boil. Dip octopus into boiling water for one second then lift. Its tentacles will begin to curl. Dip two more times (they should be good and curly by now), then drop into water and reduce heat to low. Simmer for one hour. Remove and pat dry.

Step 2: Heat charcoal or gas grill. Toss poached octopus with olive oil, salt, and peppah! Grill octopus for one minute each side. When crisped on the grill, remove to cutting board.

Step 3: Cut tentacles and head into 2-3″ sections. Toss with a bit more olive oil/salt/pepper, squeeze of fresh lemon, and a handful of chopped parsley.

ON THE NINTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Combine the following ingredients in a bowl: 1/3 c. soy sauce; 1/3 c. brown sugar; 1 T sesame oil; 3 cloves minced garlic; 1T minced ginger; red pepper flakes.

Step 2: Place side of salmon (we prefer Atlantic over Pacific) in large zip-lock bag. Pour in the marinade. Seal bag, and place in fridge overnight. Flip bag every now and then to distribute the marinade.

Step 3: Place salmon on parchment paper-covered baking sheet. Bake in 425F oven for 15 minutes (or grill the damn thing, if you prefer).

ON THE TENTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me…

Step 1: Bring large pot of salted water to boil.

Step 2: Submerge crab claws in water and boil for 3 minutes.

Step 3: Remove crab claws, give them a good couple of cracks with a mallet, and serve with melted salted butter. Not so hard.

ON THE ELEVENTH course of Fishmas my goombah gave to me, THIS!

UPDATE (12/28/2020): Inspired by the fantastic movie “Feast of the Seven Fishes,” we added a new dish in 2020. Baccala Balls! They were awesome. Recipe and photos HERE.