SAL DeTRAGLIA's VIRTUAL TAPAS BAR

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH.

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Sal DeTraglia

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Late last night (which, coincidentally, was Friday the thirteenth), our good friend Lisa left a Comment in the VTB Chat Lounge that had all the earmarks of a true-life horror movie.

She claimed that she once had a COCONUT in her kitchen, and…and…and…it exploded!

Well…my initial reaction was that this fantastic tale had nothing to do with the COCONUT next to Lisa’s kitchen stove…and everything to do with the mushrooms next to her Pink Floyd CD Box Set.

But being the investigative journalist that I am, I launched a quick Google search on the term “exploding COCONUT.”

And I’ll be damned! It has happened to others as well.

This changed the equation for me. I mean…having an exploding COCONUT do grievous harm to my body is one thing. But having one do grievous harm to my Italian-made Arrital kitchen cabinets is quite another.

So I broke-out the heavy machinery tonight and performed triple lobotomies on all four of my tasty little ticking time bombs. Three of them are roasting in the oven as I type these words.

The King, however, has NOT left the building. I’ve simply grown too fond of his sneer and mutton chops to even consider turning him into a chutney.

And besides, Trac would have my ass if I did.

So…does all this mean that my passion for COCONUT has ended?

Hell no! It’s just means that we’ll have to take [ahem!] prophylactic measures during future encounters.

Besides, nothing stimulates the passion quite like a little danger.

Comments

17 responses to “FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH.”

  1. woman wandering Avatar
    woman wandering

    Lordy lordy … there was me, having a serious downer and you made me laugh so hard on the inside.

    Damn your eyes Detraglia, you are outrageously funny!! 🙂

    Reply
  2. christina Avatar
    christina

    See??? THIS is why I keep coming back.

    Thank god for power tools. If you got killed by an exploding coconut, who would make me laugh?

    Reply
  3. euro-trac Avatar
    euro-trac

    Oh Sal!

    I’ve had a really crap day and you are the only person over 9 years old that has made me laugh today!

    Brilliant!

    But…

    …I’m really paranoid about coconuts now. I shall never forgive myself if you (or your kitchen) end up all shook up because of The King!

    You’re really just too funny! :O)
    x

    Reply
  4. Culinary Fool Avatar
    Culinary Fool

    Forget about the coconuts! Where did you get that mask? You just “happened to have it on hand”?

    And, what a pose! Muscles and agility all in one – cirque du soleil is waiting – bring the mask, too!

    Reply
  5. Sal DeTraglia Avatar
    Sal DeTraglia

    Lady Di: After trolling through the various expat blogs, it seems that everyone (e.g., Trac, Cream, you) had a downer of a day, yesterday. People should quit fixating on Friday the 13th and worry more about Saturday the 14th. BTW…is it true that the phrase “three dog night” is Kiwi? Seriously, that’s what I’ve heard. Perhaps last night was a “three COCONUT night”…for different reasons, of course.

    Christina: Your recipe for COCONUT chutney couldn’t have come at a better time. And BTW…I have no fear of exploding COCONUTS. However…squirting habaneros DO give me pause for cause.

    Trac: The King has been lobotomized. He has three holes hidden beneath those stylish shades. I think there is something to this explosion thing. When I pierced the first hole into all four COCONUTS, there was an audible “Pffffft.” And hey…it wasn’t me! The liquid inside the COCONUT must emit a gas over time…the gas expands and puts outward pressure on the COCONUT shell…and sooner or later…BADDA-BOOM! That’s my theory, although admittedly my science skills are nearly as bad as my math.

    BeeP: What?! You don’t have a hockey mask in your house? Are you also implying that hockey isn’t a popular passtime here in sunny Spain? And most significantly, have you really forgotten all about THIS?

    Sal

    Reply
  6. Pam Avatar
    Pam

    I can’t decide if I should call child protective services or hit on you.

    Reply
  7. Sal DeTraglia Avatar
    Sal DeTraglia

    Pam:

    In my own defense, it was a fully-licensed hand-drill.

    Sal

    Reply
  8. CanadianSwiss Avatar
    CanadianSwiss

    What a pose! Have you been watching Spiderman?? And the hockey mask, I love it. BTW, coconuts contain sugar in the water and it fermentates and creates a pressure. I’m sure you figured that one out, right? BANG! Heheh!

    Reply
  9. Sal DeTraglia Avatar
    Sal DeTraglia

    C-Swiss:

    I guess there was some lingering impact from all those years of karate and kung-fu as a kid, after all. Note the perfect 90º placement of the feet. That would win me a trophy in some tournaments.

    BTW…isn’t alcohol a by-product of fermenting sugar? Cha-ching!!! ‘Scuse me while I return to the supermarket.

    Reply
  10. Kurt Avatar
    Kurt

    I don’t know if I should be relieved that Sal successfully defused the ticking coconuts, or jealous that his kitchen is bigger than my entire apartment hehe.

    Just be careful what coconuts you choose for summary chutnification…you wouldn’t want to accidentally destroy The Coconut of Quendor!

    Reply
  11. Sal DeTraglia Avatar
    Sal DeTraglia

    The COCONUT of Quendor?! Jesus, is this what I’ve been missing while I’ve been wasting time reading Dickens!

    And don’t covet my kitchen. If you look closely, you’ll note that the kitchen island opens into a pull-out bed.

    Don’t ask about the portable shower.

    Reply
  12. Nyana Avatar
    Nyana

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    It’s one thing to have potentially explosive “darlings” in your kitchen, it’s another to have a psycho-italian-kitchen-cabinet-killer pulling spidey on your counter tops.
    *sigh*
    Sal, I know life can get complicated some times but you just have to hang in there.
    What does Lisa Marie have to say about this?

    Reply
  13. Lisa Avatar
    Lisa

    funny thing is, your picture reminded me of what I THOUGHT I’d find downstairs after hearing the exposion…but damn, it was just an exploding coconut.

    Reply
  14. ironporer Avatar
    ironporer

    Are lobotomies considered a ‘medical procedure’? Are you sure you won’t be sued for Practicing Medicine Without a License?
    Now that the coco-nuts have been properly lobotomized, you may have to do a Jack Nicholson- One Flew Over the Coco’s Nest coconut… or perhaps a Rosemary Kennedy effigy?

    Reply
  15. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    My chem prof’s wife was cutting a watermelon for a dinner party & as she inserted the knife, the watermelon exploded! It too, as the coconut, had begun to ferment & the rind had kept the gasses contained; the knife explosively released the pressure & she had to choose a different outfit & of course her kitchen was completely coated in watermelon bits. Good material for chem class, though.

    — DJG

    Reply
  16. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    Murdered two coconut cookies this evening!

    Reply
  17. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    BTW: I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. (Groooooan – I know, but it had to be said.)

    — DJG

    Reply

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